Monday, November 14, 2011

25 weeks.....

And the countdown is on..... 95 days left before induction.  That is both exciting, and absolutely nerve wracking at the same time!!!  Been a relatively quiet week, considering.  Besides the m/w and neonatologist appointment.  Hoping to get the referral process to Portland started ASAP!  I am still battling hyperemesis.  Stormy is a movin and groovin a lot now.  Doesn't sleep as much as she use to.  My pelvis is killing me, but what's new?  In turn, I don't sleep very much.  I sleep when I can, though, even if that means a 6 pm nap on the couch.  No appointments this week.  I do have my next peri appointment and u/s next week, the day before Turkey Day.  I can't wait to see her, and again, always hoping for no change!!  I really hope the next 14 weeks go by slowly, I can't help but be happy that she is still in my belly, and that I am providing everything she needs, including cookies and pudding.  =)  I am just trying so hard to enjoy every minute that she is safe in my belly. ♥  She is obviously growing... not that I can't tell by my growing belly, but because of the kicks and jabs I am now getting in my ribs!  And this momma is loving every single minute of it!!  ♥

♥ 25 week belly pic coming soon ♥

This last week I made Stormy a beanie.  Here it is, being modeled by Shelby's baby, Sarah. =)


I will be making another one, with some softer yarn, but that was my very first one ever, I am pretty proud of myself!  No one could believe that I made it!  Lol  Took me a while, but it turned out great!  Can't wait for Stormy to model it!  ♥  Also, in due time, I will attempt to make Shelby and Shakyra a hat.  They think momma is amazing now and can make anything!  Doh!  Lol!  I'm in for it now!  But I am hoping, that when I am away from home, spending my time in the RMH and the NICU, that this will give me something to do, other than blog and facebook!  =)

To lighten the mood a bit... here is something entertaining to see...


Hahahahaha.... no wrong way, to eat fruit snacks!!!  Silly girl!!!  ♥

Friday, November 11, 2011

Meeting with Neonatologist.....

I met with Dr. Ilg, a neonatologist, this afternoon. A very busy Dr, but was able to squeeze me in between rounds and deliveries!  He explained to me how things can go, and how things can not go.  Thankfully I have done a lot, and have learned a lot about Stormy's condition, so I knew a lot about what he was saying.  It is really helpful though, hearing it directly from the professional, and someone that has been there done that.  He explained what will be going on after she is born, and all that stuff that goes along with a baby with "bad" lungs.  I say "bad" because we honestly don't know how good, how bad, or what kind of lungs she has in there.  Hopefully, she has a good right lung, and what she has of a left lung is strong!  One can at least hope anyways!  He is giving me the referral to Portland.  He also explained to me why it is dangerous to have to transport such a fragile neonate.  When you are on an oscillator vent, that vent is not available on transport.  That makes things extra risky.  He agrees that she should be born IN the hospital that has ECMO available to her, should she need it.  He said he would be contacting Portland in the next week, and we would go from there.  Overall, the appointment went well, and as scary as the future and the unknown are... I have complete confidence that Stormy WILL come out of this ON top, and show everyone what she is made of!!  ♥

Thursday, November 10, 2011

m/w appointment...

I had my m/w appointment today.  It went very well, of course!  =)  She gave me a big hug, well lots of them actually.  She is so amazing!  She asked how I was doing, physically and emotionally.  She said she thinks about me every single day.  ♥  She didn't make me get on the exam bed, since she knows it hurts me just to walk.  She feels awful that on top of everything, I have the stupid pelvis problem.  Just what I needed.  While she was trying to find Stormy's heartbeat....  Shelby and Shakyra thought it was funny that she wasn't finding it, so they started giggling, saying Stormy was hiding from her.  My m/w then said, ya know, you can take this stupid probe from me and find her heartbeat, I know you are a pro at this.  Of course, she added gel, I moved it, and as soon as I put it on my tummy, there it was.  Haha!  It's the mothers touch.  =P  Then she measured my tummy, just with her hands... she said, no need for a "in depth measurement" cuz then she has to push on the pelvis to get it.  Yea, no thanks! Eep!  She said no reason to add more pain.  She said I am measuring great, maybe a bit ahead, but that is good since we need lots of room and a good size baby for the fight she will endure.  Then she laughed and said, oh boy, next appointment is the glucose test.  Yuck!  Then she said, but of course, we will just draw your A1C.  =)  Thank goodness!  She said there is no reason to torture me more... I've never held the damn drink down anyways!  They will also draw my bile salts again with that blood draw, to see if my liver is still doing ok, or if the levels are elevated at all. Hoping that it has stayed the same!!  Tomorrow is the appointment with the neo.  He is the one that will send my referral to Portland, and I will then start the battle with insurance, yet again. =/

Monday, November 7, 2011

24 weeks.....

Still sick.  O.M.G!  Hyperemesis... please, you have outdone your stay!  This momma would LOOOOVE nothing more than for you to be hit by a big bus and die!  Go invade the life of someone undeserving!  I feel a bit itchy lately... hopefully my liver is still doing ok!  I am crossing everything still that I can at least avoid getting Cholestasis this pregnancy, though, there is nothing I can do to prevent it.  Lots of braxton hicks... lots of round ligament stretching... pretty sure those round ligaments are going to snap outta my belly some days!!  My pelvis pain is steadily getting worse.  =/  Stormy is getting more and more active, and I love every minute of it. I love feeling her punch, kick, roll... gives me so much reassurance... even though I know it means nothing once she is here.  *sigh*  I still do my best and NOT thinking about the future... the unknown.  It scares the shit out of me.  I called and scheduled my m/w appointment.  The MA said, when are you due for an appointment, I said oh, last week.  Haha! She said shame on you!  HAHA... she was totally kidding.  She knows I have a full plate.  My appointment is on Thursday.  Routine stuff.  =)  My appointment with the neonatologist is on Friday.  Can't wait to see him.  I hear he is awesome, and he will be the one that sends my referral to Portland!  =)

♥ 24 weeks ♥



Monday, October 31, 2011

23 weeks.....

Happy Halloween!! We had a busy weekend. Saturday was Pumpkin Lane in Deer Park(my hometown) and it was 2 hours of trick or treating fun. We even took the kids on a hay ride, what a blast! My pelvis, however, was NOT happy with me! It's been giving me a lot of grief lately. I don't sleep well because of it, it's hard to get comfortable. Then tonite, my mom and I took the kids out trick or treating in our neighborhood. I drove my moms tahoe, and sat in the heated seat, while my mom walked with the kids. Now THAT is the way to go! Hehe! When we hit a quiet area, everyone hopped in and we went to another street. =) They got a TON of candy!!! We'll be eating it at Christmas!

My Midnight Fairy
&
Strawberry Shortcake

 ♥


Shakyra finally felt Stormy move for the first time yesterday!! ♥ Stormy had kicked her before, but she didn't really "feel" it. The look of joy on her face was priceless!!! =) Shakyra hasn't been feeling well this past week. Poor girl, but it seems to bring out a sweetness to her. The other day, she told me "You are a beautiful, smart, the best mommy ever, and pregnant with my cute baby sister."  Awwwwwwww...  ♥  Melted my heart!

Other than the massive acid monster in my belly, an aching pelvis, Stormy doing lots of different tricks, and no appointments this week... that is my update!

16 weeks left!!

♥ 23 weeks ♥

Sunday, October 30, 2011

Skittle has a NAME!!!!!!!!

It's official!!!  Jonathan actually told Shakyra what Skittle's name was last night, but he didn't tell me.  So I asked him today, and he said, well I guess it's official.  ♥

♥ Stormy ♥

No, she doesn't have a middle name.... haven't made it that far, but she has a first name!!  She'll have a middle name when she is born!  =)  It brings tears to my eyes, knowing she has a name. Silly, I know, but it's getting more and more real. ♥

Thursday, October 27, 2011

Ultrasound....

The ultrasound went great!  Yay!  As far as we can see, it still looks like stomach and intestines are the only organs in the chest.  The tech was checking blood flow(the liver makes the blood flow look like a tree) and that seems to still be in the stomach, but maybe close to the diaphragm.  But being as we don't know where the hole is at, we just hope it STAYS that way!  So 8 weeks, and no change!  Woohoo!  I can accept that!  She was stubborn, of course, so no profile pictures... so no 3D face shot yet.  We could see the muscles on her arms and legs, and her cheeks are starting to fill out.  She is estimated to weigh about 1 lb 4 oz right now.  I think she was estimated to be 11.5-12.5 inches long.  I can't remember.  She is in the 77% for her growth, so I am a HAPPY momma!  ♥

♥ Cute lil fingers ♥

♥ Cute lil legs getting stronger ♥

♥Lil foot, and cute lil toes ♥

 ♥ Love 3D pictures! ♥

♥ Thank goodness! ♥

♥ Love her cute lil feet! ♥

Monday, October 24, 2011

22 weeks.....

My OH my!! Hard to believe I have 17 weeks left! No more(induction at 39 weeks as far as I know) and no less(I AM going to do everything in my power, of course, unless Skittle is in dire need of being born, to keep her in there till then!)!! Skittle has mastered the heartburn dance... however, I have attempted to teach her another routine, yet, she doesn't listen. Guess that is what I get when she has Shakyra DNA in her! ♥ I still wake up nauseated every morning. So I am still take my Zofran, every morning, sometimes evening if I am feeling not so hot! I have felt less stressed the past few days. I know part of that has to do with knowing she has a perfect heart! ♥ I haven't had as many nightmares as I was having. Thank god... because seriously, they were getting REALLY bad, and I was going to ask for sleeping meds to help my brain not function like that when I was sleeping. SCARY! I have an u/s and perinatologist appointment on Thursday, 11 am. The closer it gets, the more nervous I am about it. The cardiologist said he only seen stomach and intestines in the chest... so I am glad, that in 7 weeks, that that hadn't changed... but ugh, I know its all unpredictable... and at any time... things can shift/change. Hoping for the best... and that it is NO change at this appointment. I also learned that CDH babies can have a problem with too much amniotic fluid. A condition known as Polyhydramnios.  Greeeeeeeeat... just what I need.  But, we are going to NOT have that problem!!  =)  Trying to stay positive here... we have enough on our plate!  I imagine that, at the coming appointments, her fluid levels will start being monitored.  I really don't know.  I am learning as I go.  I will also ask when my appointments start becoming more regular, since Skittle is considered viable in 4 weeks.  EEP!!!  Never thought I'd make it this far, but I couldn't be more thankful!!



♥ 22 weeks ♥
All *3* of my girls.

Thursday, October 20, 2011

Skittle's Pediatric Surgeon Appointment...

Today I met with Dr. Fisher.  An amazing Dr!!  If only we could take him to where ever it is that I deliver.  *sigh*  Hopefully her surgeon is just as amazing!!  He gave me lots of info, some I knew, some I did not.  He told me that Skittle should have the "open" procedure done.  Meaning, don't let them do a scope to fix her herniated diaphragm.  An open procedure has better outcomes, and less chance of it reherniating.  He said the surgery is relatively easy, and that she should do fine with the surgery itself, it's of course, the after effects... of how the lungs will do, etc.  He said that as long as she is stable, she should be able to have the surgery within 3-5 days after birth.  He said that if she makes it to term, she has about a 70-75% chance of surviving.  *sigh*  He said that he agrees with me on wanting a referral to Portland.  He referred me to see Dr. Ilg, the neonatologist, so that I could talk to him, and get the best recommendation and referral to Portland.  I will see and speak with him on 11/11.

Can't she just stay in my tummy till she is bigger and stronger to live on the outside???  ♥

Wednesday, October 19, 2011

Skittle's Pediatric Cardiologist Appointment....

First things first.... Skittle has a P.E.R.F.E.C.T heart!!!  ♥  Wooohooo!!!  Of course, getting up to that point was pretty nerve wracking to say the least!  I was so scared and nervous.  The gel on the probe was very cold.  Not like the nice, warm gel at the peri's office.  We seen her cute lil face on the screen first.  =)  Then he got to her heart.  While he was looking around, he was very informative.  I liked that.  He told me what he was looking at, and what everything was.  The monitor was connected to a big screen t.v. hanging on the wall, omg, that thing was so annoying!  Driving me crazy, kept losing it's signal... yet no one was touching anything!  Lol  Talk about getting a kink in your neck trying to look at the other monitor!  Skittle wasn't always being cooperative, is she ever?  Hehe!  Being she is a moving target, he had to get on a certain part of the heart, then zoom in, and get the image he is looking for, just at that moment, she would move.  Lol!  Sure made me giggle!  It took about an hour to get all the images he needed.  Of course, we took a peak at the rest of her too, while we were there.  Although, he mentioned, "it will be a quick scan, I don't get paid to look at anything but the heart."  LOL!  He said, yup, definitely a girl.  Thank goodness!  I've told everyone, if she comes out anything but a SHE, all these techs I've been seeing are gonna need to get retrained at what they are looking at!  Hehe.  After the tech was done, I seen Dr. Jensen.  He said, that her heart made the journey to the right(wrong) side of her chest with no complications.  Said that she shouldn't ever have any heart problems.  After her surgery, he said that her heart would shift back towards the left, but most likely, never be in the correct spot that it was meant to be.  Said that it would probably reside in the middle of her chest, but it was in the correct position, and all the valves, chambers, structure, arteries, etc look awesome!  YAY!

I was so elated to leave that appointment.  I didn't sleep last night, of course.  I had nightmares leading up to this appointment... now I can at least rest easy, knowing that my lil Skittle has a perfect heart!  ♥

After the appointment, my mom treated me to China Dragon.  YUMMY!  Couldn't go wrong there!  And my fortune, very fitting...

*Your emotional nature is strong and sensitive.*

Monday, October 17, 2011

21 weeks....

Nothing much to report this week.  No appointments, yay!  Skittle is moving around a lot now!  However, whenever I WANT to feel her move, she doesn't.  So stubborn already!  =)  In the last week my pelvis has started to give me grief.  The wonderful start of PSD ( Pubic Symphasis Diastasis) or what I refer to as a separated pelvis.  OUCH!  I can only hope that it just doesn't get too bad yet.  =/

18 weeks left....

♥ 21 weeks ♥

Monday, October 10, 2011

20 weeks.....

Been a long road to this point, and there is an even longer road ahead.  Insurance called, the appeal was, yet again, denied.  We have decided to stop pursuing UCSF and now we are going to pursue Portland, OR instead.  They have an amazing team for CDH babies.  The neonatologist here agrees that we should do what we can to try and deliver there.  However, until further notice, I have an appointment with the team in Seattle, in December, to meet with the Dr's @ 29 weeks 3 days.  Honestly, I just wish it wasn't like this. Insurance is ALL about the PROFIT.  They suck ass!

Other than the obvious, I think things are going well. I feel her kicking me more and more these days.  She kicked Jonathan's hand last night... pretty sure that was a get your hand of my momma!  LOL  I am still very nauseated... today I was still very ill even after taking meds.  Thankfully I took meds, and didn't eat anything till 5 pm.  Amazing how I am rarely ever hungry... however, I know I still need to eat, cuz if not, I have NO energy!  Just a terrible catch 22!

It's hard for me to believe I have a 9 y/o, a 4 y/o and a baby that is coming in 19 weeks!!! EEEP!

Hopefully Skittle has an official name soon, or I may keep calling her Skittle out of habit!  Haha!

♥ 20 weeks ♥

Friday, October 7, 2011

Shelby's birthday and m/w appointment...

Today started off pretty good.  Shelby requested that I wake her up at 10:07 am, since it was 10-7-11 after all, and her 9th birthday.  ♥  She woke up with the biggest smile on her face.  We then ran around to get ready to head to my m/w appointment.

We got their a couple minutes early... I set the girls up in the waiting room with the iTouches.  =)  Gotta keep em occupied and quiet!  I had my vitals, weight, etc done.  The medical assistant mentioned that it's amazing how perfect my blood pressure is, even when I am stressed.  Guess that is a good thing.  =)  My m/w was awesome!  She gave me a million hugs.  We talked about Skittle, what was going on, our plans with delivery, etc.  She said it sounded as though we have good things in order so far.  She said that she wants all future appointments with her, since I am not delivering with the midwives anyways.  No need for me to cycle through them, and have to go over my case to all of them... just easier to be with the one I love and adore!  ♥  It's also easier when I can just report to her since she will then be the only one following my case.  Supposedly my perinatologist wanted me to switch to a high risk OB.  My m/w, of course, said that was not necessary, but she talked with the high risk OB to get her opinion.  The high risk OB had the same opinion!  She said, there is nothing, with my pregnancy, that the midwife, or high risk OB could/would do anything differently.  All of my high risk stuff is done through the peri, and where ever I will be delivering, so they agreed that I needed to stay with my midwife, who already knows what is going on, and has cared for me the first 19 weeks!  Yay... take that peri!  Kick gravel and travel!  =)  So glad my m/w knows what is good for me!!  ♥  So after a million more hugs from my m/w, I had my blood drawn for my liver panel and bile salts.  Just need a baseline in case I start getting itchier and we suspect that Cholestasis is coming on.  The MA got me in ONE poke!  She was so happy!  Last time she had to draw my blood, not so good, I passed out on the table.  LOL  Then we were on our way.  My next appointment will be scheduled after I get through my specialty appointments that are coming up in a couple of weeks.

The girls and I then came home and hung out for a bit.  Shelby did a private at gymnastics, so it turned into a busy evening, gymnastics from 3-9 for Shelby, Shakyra had gym from 4-5:15, then my mom and I went to the mall to get something a present, since we took her to dinner after gymnastics.  Then we went to Costco, oh how I love that place right now.  They always get some neat Christmas things in!  After gym we went to The Onion for Shelby's birthday dinner.  We had appetizers, and then a Messy Face for dessert, Shelby's choice! Who can go wrong with a 1/2 pound brownie, with 3 scoops of ice cream and chocolate syrup on top???  Yummy!!!  We couldn't even finish it!  Shelby loved her gifts, pj's, a pink gymnast outfit, a journal, a gymnast bag, and a baby giraffe(that Shakyra picked out for her).  Then we were off for home.

Got home, and we just vegged, we were so stuffed.  The girls and I had a sleepover in the living room.  Before bed we listened to Skittle.  She was playing all around in my belly.  Must have known it was a good day!  ♥  Then I thought, what better gift, than if Shelby could feel her sister move/kick.  Well, we were having NO luck.  Skittle is a stubborn one you know!  She was face down, and I could feel her kicking down into my back.  Well, then I sneezed(anyone that knows me, I REALLY sneeze!)   Lol  And that is all it took.  She flipped right over, and started kicking Shelby like crazy.  Shelby's face lit up brighter than the sun!!  Big eyes, big smile, just complete joy on her face.  She was so excited!  She couldn't believe it.  She was like, that was soooooooo awesome mom!!!  Then Shakyra tried, and Skittle kicked her too.  Shakyra was more like, "what in the world was that?"  LOL  She knew what it was, but I think it was just odd for her.  So that was the icing on our day, and I know that Shelby will always remember the first time that Skittle kicked her.  ♥ ♥ ♥

Happy 9th Birthday Princess Shelby.  You were the best thing that ever happened to me, 9 short years ago!  I love you so much, you are an absolute gem of a daughter, and an amazing big sister.  I know you are so excited to meet your new baby sister.  I am willing to bet she will be the most spoiled, rotten sister yet!!  ♥

♥ The Birthday Girl!! ♥
Complete with a new haircut!

And another of my favorite pics.  I still can't believe the smile I captured on Shakyra's face... can we say... RARE?!?!  ♥

Monday, October 3, 2011

19 weeks....

I was very thankful to make it to this point, in one piece.  Since I lost Steven at 18 weeks, it is a very nervous time for me... but I am sure that Steven is looking down on Skittle, and doing his best at keeping her safe.  ♥

I fall more and more in love with Skittle every time she kicks me!  ♥  I am still feeling like garbage unless I take my meds.  On a good day, I am consuming about 700-800 calories.  Maybe a little bit more if I get in a cup of hot cocoa before bed.  =)  I am now down about 23 pounds from where I started this pregnancy.  However, Skittle is growing well(was still 3-4 days ahead at the last ultrasound), so it is ok!  Even though my ultrasound was less than stellar, I am doing my best at fighting for her.  I still don't know about the appeal on my insurance, but I should know an answer, either way, by Tuesday, Oct 11th.  I am enjoying the kicks that I get to feel on a daily basis.  When I listened to her heartbeat yesterday(My friend Bre got to hear her for the first time), she wanted nothing to do with the doppler.  It was hilarious!  I think I heard more kicking and punching then I did her heartbeat.  Ha! Ha!  You can really tell the difference between her heart beating and her cord.  The heart beating sounds like an opening and closing of a flap, and the cord sounds like a really smooth beating heart.  Skittle and I typically play every morning when I wake up, and every night when I go to bed.  It is just such an amazing thing, feeling her move.  I ♥ it!!  Forgot a belly pic last week, doh!  I will try and round one up this week!  =)

My next m/w appointment is this Friday, Oct. 7th.

Oh my goodness!  Where has the time gone!!  Shelby is turning 9 on Friday!!  NINE!!!!  We are taking her to dinner on Friday after gymnastics, and then we are having her birthday party next weekend at the roller skating rink, with a sleepover with a couple of her friends.  She is pretty excited! ♥

♥ 19 weeks ♥
Love the sneaky one behind me?  hehe

Friday, September 30, 2011

So not fair...

Omg... Can someone please wake me up from this nightmare!?!?  Cry myself to sleep, wake up crying, worried, scared, it is all just so unfair.  I wish I could tell Skittle that everything will be ok, but truth be told, I can't.  How can I even come close to understanding the unfairness of a struggle and fight for life she will have when she is born?!?!  I can only do so much, and fight so much for her while she is in my tummy, safe and sound, able to breathe freely, yet when she is born, and away from the comfort of her mother, it will be a struggle.  I can only hope she has a good fight to live, cuz I know she knows her momma will be right beside her every minute I'm allowed!!!  I will say it again, I am not sure how I was dealt this unfair card, or worse, why my precious daughter was chosen to have to struggle, but it's so damn unfair!!!!  I may feel defeated, but I am bound and determined to win this battle!!!

♥ Mommy loves you sweet Princess... and I will do everything I can to get you the best!! ♥

Thursday, September 29, 2011

Ultrasound....

So I had my ultrasound today.  It took about an hour and 10 minutes.  It was an in depth scan.  Lots of pictures.  She probably took at least 75 pictures, of course, most of those of Skittle's chest and abdomen.  Her u/s showed that her heart is in the right side of her chest now, and we could see the stomach and intestines in the left side.  The liver is still in her abdomen where it belongs, and I hope with all that I have, that that is where that liver stays!!!  Here are some pictures of my Princess.  She was rather uncooperative... so we only got a few.  ♥

Love her lil hand, "Hi mom!!"

 Who doesn't love lil baby feet???


She is all curled up, with her hand on the side of
her face.  The top area is her head, and then her
back down to her buns.  ♥

My next ultrasound is scheduled for 4 weeks from now.  However, in the mean time, I have a m/w appointment, an appointment with the pediatric cardiologist, and an appointment with the pediatric surgeon.  I am sure the appointments will be coming more and more frequent before I know it!

Monday, September 26, 2011

18 weeks...

Seems like 40!(Guess I hit the point of it feeling like I've been pregnant for a while now!  Lol)  Last night I had a breakdown.  =(  Thankfully, for now, they are few and far between, but I have a feeling, the closer to delivery I get, the closer they will be.  I was just crying my eyes out, thinking about what my Skittle is going to have to go through.  It just breaks my heart.  Then, I was thumped!  She then brought me tears of joy.  Letting me know, that for now, she is ok, and that I am doing my best at protecting her.  My next ultrasound is 9/29.  I am excited to see her, but also scared that things might look worse.  I just kmfx that there has been no change, and nothing else has traveled into her chest.  I am still sick.  *sigh*  Hopefully only a few more weeks of this crap!  If I don't take my Zofran, I will NOT survive the day!  I'm having some itching around my ankles and feet, I hope its just something random, and not my liver starting to act up.  I really do NOT need Cholestasis this pregnancy!!  However, I will ask to get my liver panel drawn at my next m/w appointment.  Ugh, another stick, thankfully they don't really bother me unless they have to dig to get anything!   I feel like a human pin cushion!!  Still no name, but that is ok.  For now, I call her Skittle, and for now, its one less thing that I have to think about.  She will have a name when the time is right.  ♥

My u/s is coming up on Thursday.  I am nervous, but am happy to be seeing her again.  ♥

Here are a couple pictures of our visit with great grandma last week.  They also got to meet their new cousin.

This one cracks me up...
Shakyra gives us the same look that
great grandma is giving Shakyra, ALL the time!

♥  Shakya, Shelby, Lola & Koen  ♥
Shakyra looks thrilled, huh?

Monday, September 19, 2011

17 weeks....

Wow!  I still haven't hit the point of, omg, I feel like I have been pregnant forever... however... I wish, I could be pregnant forever, at this point.  Knowing that my baby girl doesn't have to suffer and deal with oxygen right now, makes me happy... when I think about her, outside my belly, I think of how hard of a struggle it will be for her to adjust to oxygen, the tubes, the painful recovery of surgery at just a few days old, etc.  It is very overwhelming and really breaks this momma's heart.

As for me... I am still feeling like crap and not sleeping well.  I am down 20 lbs. Yay me!  =)  I didn't get a belly pic last week... I will try and get one this week.  I am feeling her move around some.... it's not consistent by any means, and sometimes I don't really feel her at all, but I typically feel her move after I have eaten a good dose of sugar.  ♥  I can't wait till hubby and the girls can feel her moving around, I just know that that makes it all that more real for them.  My poor hubby really doesn't know what to do for me, or for Skittle, but is there for whatever we need.  ♥ him!!  He just knows that I will do what is best for her, even if that means I have to be away from the family to get the best chance of Skittle's survival, I will!  ♥  Just like me, he is just scared.  We will get through this though, and I will be so happy to be able to look back, and say, wow, I am so glad that was so long ago!  =)


*Side note.... eeeep!  Today is my 6 month anniversary of turning 29*

Friday, September 16, 2011

Announcement!!

♥  Here is how we announced it to everyone!  ♥


The girls were so excited to be able to color their pages.  They are very excited to have a little sister joining their sisterhood.  ♥

Thursday, September 15, 2011

Ultrasound....

So.... as we knew what was going on going into today... my heart knew that there was something wrong with my baby girl, I just didn't want to believe it.  Yes, I have also always believed it was a baby girl... and that too was confirmed today.  =)  She was NOT shy about it either.  Haha!!  I think she was showing off... didn't even cross her legs, but one time when she flipped herself over and put her butt in the air!  =)  So.. anyways... yes... it has been confirmed.  Skittle has CDH... also known as a Congenital Diaphragmatic Hernia.  We have already started the referral process to San Fran.  Please, everyone, keep your fingers crossed that my insurance accepts it!  It can be a long process to get into there, only because of insurance... but hopefully all goes well... I want nothing short of the best for my princess!!!  ♥

♥  No denying Skittle is a girl!  ♥



♥   Gotta love the baby buns!!  ♥

♥   Shelby's favorite picture because Skittle was
doing exactly what I was doing at the same time! ♥
Her arm was up behind her head, just chillin out.  =)

Here is a picture of her diaphragm.  Not that I
expect you to understand it, but some will,
so I just thought that I would share it since I have it.

So as you can imagine, its been a very rough day.  The worst part of the day was telling Shelby the news.  She cried and cried.  I so wish I didn't have to tell her, but that isn't fair.  She is almost 9 years old, she is a very smart girl, and with all the dr's and appointments I will be attending, and most, she will probably have to attend as well, I couldn't keep it from her.  Nor would that really have been fair.  After she was done crying, it was just explained to her what CDH is.  What the process is going to be like.  She knows that mommy is going to have to travel somewhere else(location unknown at this point) to deliver.  She knows that there are no specialists here to care for her when she is born.  She understands that.  Of course, I know she doesn't understand that, mommy will be away from home for a while when it's close time for Skittle to arrive... and then after Skittle is born.  She knows that Skittle will be in the NICU for a while after she is born, to get bigger and stronger.  She understands and also doesn't want me to leave her sister in a strange city, in a strange place, all by herself.  It is going to be a long haul, but we ARE going to get through this!!  Shakyra, she just knows that her sister has a hole, and its in her diaphragm.  Of course she doesn't understand what or where that is, but she does acknowledged it.  It's gonna be hard on the girls when Skittle is born, but they will be in good hands, living with grandma and grandpa while I am away, and daddy can bring them home on the weekends when he isn't working.

Thankfully, I know, Skittle and I will have my amazing friends and family to support me throughout this long, windy, awful journey that I have been chosen to travel.  Next u/s is scheduled for 2 weeks.  Can't wait to see my lil Princess again, and kmfx for no changes.  ♥

Monday, September 12, 2011

16 weeks...

Wow.... who would have thought I would have made it this far?!?!  I am still sick... omg, 20 weeks can't get here any faster!

I am a scared/nervous/anxious that something is wrong with my innocent baby.  =(  It feels like an eternity till my next u/s.  I hope the next few days go quicker than the last 10 days have gone!  I had an appointment today with my m/w.  The m/w today listened to my fears, said NO!  This is NOT going to be wrong with your baby!  They are wrong, they HAVE to be!  She said, you have been through enough, most mothers haven't gone through what you have in two lifetimes, let alone, one, and still only be in their 20's.  *sigh*  However, in my heart, I don't feel as though anything is wrong, maybe its denial?  Whatever it is, until I am told otherwise, I have to have hope that my poor, tugged on heart is correct.  I also mentioned to the m/w that my belly is the biggest it has ever been at this stage in any of my pregnancies.  She said, I was going to mention something, but some women take offense, so I decided against it.  Nah... I don't take offense, I love having a baby belly!  She said it seemed the baby must be doing well in there, cuz my belly is measuring bigger than 16 weeks.  Hehe.

Hopefully my next update will be nothing but good news, it's too bad I just don't see that happening.  U/s is on Thursday. =/

Took the kids to the fair this week... 
had a blast, but this momma was exhausted!!

Shakyra pulling her blanket away and telling the
goat no, after the goat was nibbling on it.  LOL

Of course the girls road all the rides...
they would have ALL made me ill, pregnant or not!

Monday, September 5, 2011

15 weeks....

Wow, what a whirlwind of emotions I have gone through since Friday.  Lots of ups and downs... and lots of why is this happening to me?!?!  I am very worried about my little Skittle.  Why does Skittle have to go through this? It's definitely not fair... and as much as I want to believe that what we saw on the u/s was wrong, and just a bad angle, etc., in my heart, I know that it isn't wrong, and hopefully in the next 10 days, before my next u/s, I will have at least prepared myself for the "official" diagnoses of my precious unborn baby, Skittle.

Dear Hyperemesis, you have outdone your welcome.  You are more than welcome to leave at anytime now.  I don't mind taking Zofran to keep you under control, as much as I can, but being constipated for weeks on end is not my idea of a good time!  Thanks!  At your mercy, Skittle's Momma

I love you little baby, more than you can possibly ever comprehend.  Please, do me a favor, let's get through the next 22-25 weeks with being as event less as possible.  ♥  Please grow nice, big and strong!! Your sisters' can't wait to feel you start kicking!  =)

Labor Day at the lake.
Skittle enjoyed riding the waverunner.  =)

Friday, September 2, 2011

Another ultrasound...

So... my u/s today was NOT what I expected. I am hoping, crossing every T and dotting every i.... that the "possible" diagnoses of my Skittle is wrong!  Skittle has a possible congenital diaphragmatic hernia.  Best case scenario, it's mild, can be corrected around 3-5 days after birth, and she will have a great recovery and grow back some of that left lung that is being compromised.  However, worst case scenario, I will say goodbye to my skittle shortly after delivery, because worst case scenario, her lungs wouldn't ever be able to sustain her body, and it just wouldn't be a quality of life.  My child's quality of life means more to me than being in pain and suffering.  =/  *sigh*  This is not what I expected today.... obviously I have felt pretty good about things.  Please kyfx(keep your fingers crossed) that this is also a GIRL. We got a few glimpses, but not really enough, it was too hard to tell.  We do, however, think it's a girl.  In the case of having this diagnoses, it would be better if Skittle is a girl, it's better odds since its very well known that boys are a LOT wimpier in the beginning, and girls are much stronger fighters.  Go us!  =)  So that is today in a nut shell.  It's going to be a long ass 13 days till my next u/s... but I can only hope that we see something positive, or at worst, no change. ♥




Monday, August 29, 2011

14 weeks...

Another week down!  The migraines have started, and I can't seem to kick them.  I'm feeling like crap.  I am not puking, but I know I am not hydrated.  One of the midwives has suggested I go to ER to get hydrated.  However, I told myself I would have to be VERY desperate to go to the ER again after the first fiasco of going there at 8 weeks!  NO!  And I am not THAT desperate yet!  I can suffer through a migraine before I enter myself into that place.  =/  It would only take a couple hours to get hydrated, however, it may take 10 hours to be seen, yea, no thank you!  I will call the midwife when I wake up in the morning, and see if I can go to ambulatory infusion to get hydrated.  Other than that, and feeling like crap, that is all that is going on with me. I still listen to Skittle's heartbeat every night.  ♥  It's always between 155-165.  Friday is my u/s.  Kmfx(keeping my fingers crossed) that we will find out what we are having.  GIRL.  LOL ♥

How we have been spending our summer.

Monday, August 22, 2011

13 weeks...

Yay 2nd trimester!!!  How I've been longing to see you!!  Nothing much going on lately.  I feel like crap, but eh, that is nothing new!  Been spending our days at the lake, and have lots more beautiful sunny days to go!

My midwife appointment went well last Thursday.  We chatted, listened to the hb, and scheduled another u/s for a follow up on the SCH.  My next u/s is scheduled for September 2nd.

Here is a picture taken at Douglas Falls.  My mom took me hiking at 13 weeks pregnant,
what was she thinking?!?!  =)
It was beautiful up there though!

Monday, August 15, 2011

12 weeks...

12 weeks!!!  I am slowly getting there!  Almost to my 2nd trimester!!  I had my NT/first trimester screening done on 8/12.  The u/s came back perfect, and the b/w came back negative yesterday.  =)  I am still waiting on the results of all the other lab they drew.  They did my chromosones, and the m/c panel stuff, etc.  I imagine they will call me back with the results in the next week or so.  I am not really too worried about it.  =)  As of today, my total weight loss is at 15 pounds.  5 more to go.  LOL!  There has to be some benefit of being ill!!  =P  I am still using my doppler, of course.  Hb is always ranging in the 160's.

I am still having issues with feeling like I am bonding with the baby . I think when I start feeling Skittle move, it will be easier to make a bond.  I feel guilty, but I know that it just takes time when you've been through so many losses.  I feel very confident that this baby will be in my arms in February!! ♥

I have a routine midwife appointment on Thursday, the 18th.  My appointments are pretty uneventful.

Friday, August 12, 2011

Ultrasound...

I had my ultrasound this afternoon.  It was great seeing Skittle again!  She was bouncing all over the place!  She was measuring about 3-4 days ahead of schedule, so that made me feel good.  We did find the source of the bleeding.  I have a sub chorionic hemorrhage(SCH).  The SCH is not very big, thank goodness, and hopefully will start clearing up so that I won't have anymore spotting.  Being a professional TP checker is NOT fun!  Makes you fearful every time you have to go to the bathroom, scared what you might find!  I am just thankful that Skittle seemed to be doing just dandy in her momma's tummy!  ♥  I can't ask for anything else right now!

♥ I love her lil legs and feet! ♥


Wednesday, August 10, 2011

11 weeks...

11 weeks, and even though I am feeling like junk, and having a few u/s' under my belt, I still can't believe I am pregnant!  I'm still having the "old blood" but I have an u/s on Friday to take a peak and make sure that it's nothing.  These are the u/s' that make me nervous... knowing I am going in for something because of an issue.  I fell UP the stairs yesterday... doh!  Thankfully my knee took most the brunt.  Ouch!  I pulled the muscle in the left side of my ribs/tummy, but it is feeling ok today.  I spent some time in the hospital yesterday getting hydrated.  As of yesterday, I am down 14 lbs from where I started this pregnancy.  Don't worry, I always lose weight while I am pregnant, but have enough storage, so its of no concern.  Now if only it were this easy when I was NOT pregnant, we'd be getting somewhere.  =P  Food is becoming less of a problem, as I am now rarely hungry.  The doppler is keeping my sanity right now!  Thank goodness!!  Anytime I puke, Shakyra is worried that she is going to get the flu.  She was an angel, again, at the hospital yesterday!  ♥  I have been put me on modified bed rest till the old blood/spotting has gone away.  That spotting sure makes me nervous, and I just hope that Skittle is doing ok.

Shakyra enjoying her ice water and her cup o
ice chips while momma gets hydrated.

11 weeks down, 29 to go!

Tuesday, August 2, 2011

Skittle in 4D....

Seriously... isn't technology amazing??  This was a 4D video of Skittle, taken at 10 weeks and 1 day.  She was wiggling all around, and the most amazing part, she was only about an inch long!!


There is nothing greater in this world, than knowing I am incubating this precious little human being!

The announcement!

The rumors are true... after a long, windy and often trying road, 2 more angels to watch over us, baby Skittle is making "her" debut.  Skittle has made it well known of her existence.  I've been in the hospital twice, but so far, everything is going well.  We are very excited, and the girls are on cloud nine.  They LOVE listening to the heartbeat on the doppler.  ♥ Skittle is due in February 2012!  ♥


♥  Skittle  ♥





In my reference to Skittle has a "her" is nothing more than I feel that Skittle is a girl, and I really dislike referring to my baby as an it.  However, if Skittle is a boy, well nevermind, I really doubt that will happen.  Ha!  Ha!!  We should know what Skittle is in 4-6 weeks!